What to do?

Poncho,

It is odd to see the world through my eyes. It is even stranger to grasp it through my mind. There is so many questions, so much to understand. All I really want to do is ignore it and forget my reality. I accept my life for what it is but is this honestly all there is. No great adventures, no epic tales, only a normal and so far peaceful existance. Where is my great experience, where is the girl of my dreams? Isn't this what has been promised to me since I was old enough to comprehend? I have been brought up to expect so much more. The stories, promises, ideas, and pictures that have been instilled in my mind have only been leading me on. Here I am wasting away, waiting for a fat man to drop down the chimney and leave me a object of want not need.

How can one forget all that he has learned. All that he has seen. If I can never be satisfied, do I ever really accomplish. If I successfully find 10 heads of lettuce in my neighbors garden what will keep me from eventually wanting to find more? Once again it seems I am yearning for an answer that if found will only bring upon me more questions for me to want to answer.

How do you go on living? What is behind your laughter? You are not me and I am not you. If that is true than who is he? The person trapped in the glass, he thinks all will be well. He says if you just do this than you will be happy. The next day he tells you if you do this you can be happy. Everyday you are promised happiness at the price of what he wants. I could never leave him, he is all I ever knew. Someday I will and no longer will I feel pain, heartache, sadness, or anything else that I wont like. The sad thing about this is that I will no longer have the capability of being happy.

-Evad