Poncho:
It hurts to want to be. It kills to think of what could be. You are there and I am here. I have these feelings but I chose to ignore. I hate to be all that I am and more. The bottom line is that I am lost. I cant figure out if I like it that way. If I find you, I will lose my mentality. Can I ever say, that I am no longer astray?
Can you ever stop wandering about yourself? Do you really know what you want? Is the reason why you suffer due to the fact that you constantly want? I am awake but no longer thinking. It is great but yet I dont remember. I had the time of my life but it never really happened. It was the greatest time of my life, I would say you were there but I can't remember. What are you doing tomorrow night?
Our mystery lies right before our eyes but we are blinded by that of which we cannot see. Maybe this will help you out. I am a loser, I can't commit to anything. I am constantly afraid of doing nothing. I hate not accomplishing. It kills me to be alone. I suffer because I succeed. Nothing will ever be enough. I come into view but all you see is depression. I am the soul of the early 21st century, I have nothing to offer and nothing to look forward to. I am the end of the progression, I am part of the destroyer of worlds. Sorry my children. I ruined it all.
-Evad
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Monday, January 09, 2006
What to do?
Poncho,
It is odd to see the world through my eyes. It is even stranger to grasp it through my mind. There is so many questions, so much to understand. All I really want to do is ignore it and forget my reality. I accept my life for what it is but is this honestly all there is. No great adventures, no epic tales, only a normal and so far peaceful existance. Where is my great experience, where is the girl of my dreams? Isn't this what has been promised to me since I was old enough to comprehend? I have been brought up to expect so much more. The stories, promises, ideas, and pictures that have been instilled in my mind have only been leading me on. Here I am wasting away, waiting for a fat man to drop down the chimney and leave me a object of want not need.
How can one forget all that he has learned. All that he has seen. If I can never be satisfied, do I ever really accomplish. If I successfully find 10 heads of lettuce in my neighbors garden what will keep me from eventually wanting to find more? Once again it seems I am yearning for an answer that if found will only bring upon me more questions for me to want to answer.
How do you go on living? What is behind your laughter? You are not me and I am not you. If that is true than who is he? The person trapped in the glass, he thinks all will be well. He says if you just do this than you will be happy. The next day he tells you if you do this you can be happy. Everyday you are promised happiness at the price of what he wants. I could never leave him, he is all I ever knew. Someday I will and no longer will I feel pain, heartache, sadness, or anything else that I wont like. The sad thing about this is that I will no longer have the capability of being happy.
-Evad
It is odd to see the world through my eyes. It is even stranger to grasp it through my mind. There is so many questions, so much to understand. All I really want to do is ignore it and forget my reality. I accept my life for what it is but is this honestly all there is. No great adventures, no epic tales, only a normal and so far peaceful existance. Where is my great experience, where is the girl of my dreams? Isn't this what has been promised to me since I was old enough to comprehend? I have been brought up to expect so much more. The stories, promises, ideas, and pictures that have been instilled in my mind have only been leading me on. Here I am wasting away, waiting for a fat man to drop down the chimney and leave me a object of want not need.
How can one forget all that he has learned. All that he has seen. If I can never be satisfied, do I ever really accomplish. If I successfully find 10 heads of lettuce in my neighbors garden what will keep me from eventually wanting to find more? Once again it seems I am yearning for an answer that if found will only bring upon me more questions for me to want to answer.
How do you go on living? What is behind your laughter? You are not me and I am not you. If that is true than who is he? The person trapped in the glass, he thinks all will be well. He says if you just do this than you will be happy. The next day he tells you if you do this you can be happy. Everyday you are promised happiness at the price of what he wants. I could never leave him, he is all I ever knew. Someday I will and no longer will I feel pain, heartache, sadness, or anything else that I wont like. The sad thing about this is that I will no longer have the capability of being happy.
-Evad
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Good bye
Poncho,
You read but are never remembered. You look but are never seen. You exist but are never believed. I speak of the things that use to be. The days that once challenged you and me. I destroyed the chance for you to be. I ruined the life that could of been. Forgive the world that I present to him. Believe in the things that have never been. Try to see what could of been.
I can't believe that I have been so stupid. I can't believe that my time is growing thin. I left you behind for you to die. The greatest thing you ever did was try. The one thing I wish was a chance to say good bye. It was through you that I choose to live. You taught me the greatest thing was to give. Two years later and I am worse than before. Still depressed and wanted just a little more. You thought I would learn, destroy all that I yearn. The only thing is that I really want more than ever before. I have tasted the power of man, I have drank from the fountain of coruption and I must tell you that I am left wanting more.
Could life become what has truely been presented? Are the fables to be true? Will these thoughts blow over? Can live be preserved? Does she exist? I had so much more to ask you. You knew more than anyone, with your innocence. With your lack of desire. I envied you. Simple as life itself. I complicate what I dont understand. Your gone and I am here. You remember yet I only fear. Help me through these final days, give me the will to accept what may. Don't talk to me for I shall only bring you the world that I enjoy, a world of pain...a world of constant rain.
-Evad
You read but are never remembered. You look but are never seen. You exist but are never believed. I speak of the things that use to be. The days that once challenged you and me. I destroyed the chance for you to be. I ruined the life that could of been. Forgive the world that I present to him. Believe in the things that have never been. Try to see what could of been.
I can't believe that I have been so stupid. I can't believe that my time is growing thin. I left you behind for you to die. The greatest thing you ever did was try. The one thing I wish was a chance to say good bye. It was through you that I choose to live. You taught me the greatest thing was to give. Two years later and I am worse than before. Still depressed and wanted just a little more. You thought I would learn, destroy all that I yearn. The only thing is that I really want more than ever before. I have tasted the power of man, I have drank from the fountain of coruption and I must tell you that I am left wanting more.
Could life become what has truely been presented? Are the fables to be true? Will these thoughts blow over? Can live be preserved? Does she exist? I had so much more to ask you. You knew more than anyone, with your innocence. With your lack of desire. I envied you. Simple as life itself. I complicate what I dont understand. Your gone and I am here. You remember yet I only fear. Help me through these final days, give me the will to accept what may. Don't talk to me for I shall only bring you the world that I enjoy, a world of pain...a world of constant rain.
-Evad
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