Nothing

Poncho,

Revision...it no longer flows within. I cut myself, the reaction wont come to pass. I am empty but it doesn't matter. For there is no problems. There is no inspiration. I have nothing to feed me. I am hungry, please save me. Bring the pain, please someone keep me sane. I need you, until then I will not be living. There is only one thing and it is best described as plain. I shall be waiting in my sea of blue.

-Evad

Self Being

Poncho,

Intertwined into a sea of madness, mind is flowing into the open. High to low then stop, scream go. A puddle forms in an instant, the sea is no more than millions. Always bumping and always changing. Confused is the state conceiving. I am soaked with my own self being.

Quack, quack the duck sings back. A beacon of light in sea so empty. The only solid in state of liquid. So dry my throat cant be quenched. I am burnt by my own self being.

Overcomed by the thirst, I took a sip from the eternal drip. My solid crumbles into pieces, evaporating into the ages. I am lost in my own self being.

-Evad

Dream a little dream of paradise

Poncho,

Within my understanding I can say I belong. I belong to that which I see but could it be possible that, that of me which cannot be seen is more of where I truely belong? I speak of nothing more than existing, not at a specific time or place nor do I mean during a certain timeframe or location. To exist is nothing more than being. A being is considered alive. To be alive is a quality of existing. Death is a state of existence that just catches our eye.

We as humans are drawn to that of destruction. Everyday we are confronted with stories of lifes that are silenced by relating stories of death. To die is to be recognized and to live is to be overlooked. If a person really wants their story or idea to be recognize than death must be incorporated.

I remember a time when death never occured to me. Childhood was a wonderful time, at least for the first decade, you know before the time you are forced to tolerated the workings of the seen world. Tampered out over the months.

-Evad

eine Kuh

Poncho:

In the mist of the unknown lies hope and dreams. Around a metallic pole is a suffering soul shackled, determined to escape. I see this person every day. Could it possible reside in all of us? Are you happy? Those eager to explain are only unwillingly hiding. Now and then, we blindly fall out of this prison, only to realize we are not breathing with our true life's entent. Slowly we roam back to our comfort zone.

Silence, listen to the thoughts within. Is this peace? A cow patiently chews mouthfuls of grass. Slowing swallowing, slowly regergitating, slowly chewing, slowly digesting, slowly existing. It is a the cow, utterly wanting to be pleased at an excruciating fast paste. Long life is never long enough, true happiness shall never be grasped. Always wanting can be our only destination. I love chew. I love to digest. I love to exist. Muy rapido, por favor. Ich bin eine schreckliche Kuh. Presto sarò consumato dalla gente.

Listen, my fingers have fallen off. My mind is nothing but mush. I yearn to have it all, I yearn to no longer exist. I am a being of the unwilling. Hold me up to the light, can you see through? I am empty. Destined to crumble into billions of pieces. Destined to deduce all that shouldn't.

-Evad

Going to die, Going to die, going to die, going to die...

Poncho:

Nothing seems to change. Yet nothing is the same. I have lost my life, the past two years. Can you save me? The answers always no. Hidden in the pity of my own fears. I love but fear. Stronger now then ever before. I am dying to see what could never be. I want you so but others intervine.

I stare upon these 26 letters, looking for a way to telll her how I feel. Nothing can be found, my thoughts and feelings are beyond words. Once again i am bound by my ignorance. I am losing my self awareness. I try to forget but she invades my dreams. Always has she resided. Always and now its beyond what i can bare.


O pearl of all that is beautiful, destroy this mind with your angelic ways. I cant write anymore, love so great that life is fufilled. For with you shall we die, but without the thought of existing will always be. To chose would be selfish, to fulfill our passions would be bliss. Enjoy nothing, dream everything.

-Evad

We exist only to...

Poncho:

To grow only to die. To love only to hate. The shutters are locked, I am trapped within. Let me see, I just want to see. Why have they done this to me? Why do I want more than to just be? I wish upon me the same fate as that of which has befallen you.

To dream only to awake. To see only to be blind. What is really beyond our window, our censored view of perception? What we may find will not be what we search for. Sorrow, dissapointment, self realization can only engulf our senses before we will truely understand.

To die only to live. To cry only to rejoice. I see a world that wants nothing but sadness. I see a world that expects more than what it is. I see the people who want nothing more than what they dont have. I see selfishness, I see jealousy, I see hunger, I see corruption, I see nothing, I see a lost soul of a world without you.

-Evad

Two The Same

Poncho:

Tommorow I will awaken in the same room as the day before. I will be wearing the same outfit and I will enjoy the same sounds. Buzzards hovering in my ears, they are the keepers of my time. My existence is nothing more than humble. For I make no decisions. My fate is seal, for I have recieved my sentence. There is comfort in that. I no longer worry. I am not in control. The lords are now the keeper of my destiny.

Tommorrow I will awaken in the same bed as I will 2 years from now. I will have to get ready for the same job and I will be awoken by the same sounds. Beep, Beep, Beep. The tourment of my own grim reaper letting me know its another day. I exist only to exist. I am doomed by my own free will. My destiny is what I make of it. I constantly have to choose. I am the creator of all that I know. Am I a god? I AM.

My day is full of the same routine. Those with a strong mind do all they can to stay sane. My mind is blank for I am without thought. My disease has been cured. Is it now that I am truely free? Is it within my physical confinement that I will find my utopia? There goes the buzzard it is time for lunch.

My day is full of everything that may. The possiblities are endless. So much to have, the drive is making me go insane. Every idea leads to another. I am plagued by my own self awareness. Can I ever be happy? Is it in the next thing that I can declare mine be that of which brings me peace? Today I feel like eating some lasagna for lunch.

I sit in my room as another day comes to an end. I look through the bars and see exact copies of me. All of me our confined to their very own personal special location. A place that was designed for just me. Crys of sadness and regret fill the air. Evil and corruption creep along the cement floors. The walls are made of the bones of those before me and the ones after me. Here I will always be. Here I see my final resting place.

I sit in my room as the tv's sleep timer goes off. I look through my window and see that there is no one out there but me. Every person, every soul destined to be as confused and mislead as me. Each of me resides in there own special little space. For me and designed by me. Crys of sadness and regret fill the air. Evil and corruptions creep along my wooden floors. The walls are made of bones of those before me and the ones after me. Here I will always be, free to be what I desire, never knowing where I will end.

-Evad

We the Proud

Poncho:

He ran and ran and ran and ran. When he was done, he ran some more. He grew older than all around him but never ceased to run. Day in and day out, nothing satisfied him more than running. He was the best, no one could out do him. In his eyes, all the glory of the world belong to him and him alone. Over time his ideas blinded him from what was truely important. He ran some more.

There came a day when he was frowned upon by envious eyes. All they saw him do was run and they did not like this. They used all of their power to keep him from running, but his passion for running swatted down all of their attempts. It is his Saturday morning and yet he is still running, his week is almost over. Their chance to provail is on the horizon. Run on till morning.

They could not stop him so they did the only thing they could, they ran. At first he did not so much mind but then he realized he was falling behind. How could this be? He was the world champion and no one could out run the one who all he did was run. It is sad to see that he still thinks he is all that runs, for he was the one who ran and that shall always be. He falls so far behind that his running would remain all that he knew. For this reason, our poor chum decided to do whatever he can. So he ran and ran and ran and ran.

-Evad

Mirage

Poncho:

Many days have past and yet I remain without the sight. Will time ever be that of my control or will i float helplessly through it. As I am, only a tourist. Can I control anything? Do I possess the capacity to choose freely? Does not my arms become entombed by invisble shackles? Can scissors cut the strings above my body? I am doomed by my own self being.

You may once asked yourself about your own will. If times repeats will it all be the same? Study the past and you will know all the answers. You will be able to find yourself. Always there, always waiting. Nothing can take that away from you. Bound stronger than any chemical bond.

Somethings are designed to leave you unanswered. I would love to beleive but how can I tell if I don't have that chance. Everything I do becomes everything I did. Never will I experience it a new. The choice becomes nothing more than what was to be. The choice is like one of those things that seems to be there but actually is not on a hot summers day in the Sahara.

-Evad

Forgive me

Poncho:

It hurts to want to be. It kills to think of what could be. You are there and I am here. I have these feelings but I chose to ignore. I hate to be all that I am and more. The bottom line is that I am lost. I cant figure out if I like it that way. If I find you, I will lose my mentality. Can I ever say, that I am no longer astray?

Can you ever stop wandering about yourself? Do you really know what you want? Is the reason why you suffer due to the fact that you constantly want? I am awake but no longer thinking. It is great but yet I dont remember. I had the time of my life but it never really happened. It was the greatest time of my life, I would say you were there but I can't remember. What are you doing tomorrow night?

Our mystery lies right before our eyes but we are blinded by that of which we cannot see. Maybe this will help you out. I am a loser, I can't commit to anything. I am constantly afraid of doing nothing. I hate not accomplishing. It kills me to be alone. I suffer because I succeed. Nothing will ever be enough. I come into view but all you see is depression. I am the soul of the early 21st century, I have nothing to offer and nothing to look forward to. I am the end of the progression, I am part of the destroyer of worlds. Sorry my children. I ruined it all.

-Evad

What to do?

Poncho,

It is odd to see the world through my eyes. It is even stranger to grasp it through my mind. There is so many questions, so much to understand. All I really want to do is ignore it and forget my reality. I accept my life for what it is but is this honestly all there is. No great adventures, no epic tales, only a normal and so far peaceful existance. Where is my great experience, where is the girl of my dreams? Isn't this what has been promised to me since I was old enough to comprehend? I have been brought up to expect so much more. The stories, promises, ideas, and pictures that have been instilled in my mind have only been leading me on. Here I am wasting away, waiting for a fat man to drop down the chimney and leave me a object of want not need.

How can one forget all that he has learned. All that he has seen. If I can never be satisfied, do I ever really accomplish. If I successfully find 10 heads of lettuce in my neighbors garden what will keep me from eventually wanting to find more? Once again it seems I am yearning for an answer that if found will only bring upon me more questions for me to want to answer.

How do you go on living? What is behind your laughter? You are not me and I am not you. If that is true than who is he? The person trapped in the glass, he thinks all will be well. He says if you just do this than you will be happy. The next day he tells you if you do this you can be happy. Everyday you are promised happiness at the price of what he wants. I could never leave him, he is all I ever knew. Someday I will and no longer will I feel pain, heartache, sadness, or anything else that I wont like. The sad thing about this is that I will no longer have the capability of being happy.

-Evad

Good bye

Poncho,

You read but are never remembered. You look but are never seen. You exist but are never believed. I speak of the things that use to be. The days that once challenged you and me. I destroyed the chance for you to be. I ruined the life that could of been. Forgive the world that I present to him. Believe in the things that have never been. Try to see what could of been.

I can't believe that I have been so stupid. I can't believe that my time is growing thin. I left you behind for you to die. The greatest thing you ever did was try. The one thing I wish was a chance to say good bye. It was through you that I choose to live. You taught me the greatest thing was to give. Two years later and I am worse than before. Still depressed and wanted just a little more. You thought I would learn, destroy all that I yearn. The only thing is that I really want more than ever before. I have tasted the power of man, I have drank from the fountain of coruption and I must tell you that I am left wanting more.

Could life become what has truely been presented? Are the fables to be true? Will these thoughts blow over? Can live be preserved? Does she exist? I had so much more to ask you. You knew more than anyone, with your innocence. With your lack of desire. I envied you. Simple as life itself. I complicate what I dont understand. Your gone and I am here. You remember yet I only fear. Help me through these final days, give me the will to accept what may. Don't talk to me for I shall only bring you the world that I enjoy, a world of pain...a world of constant rain.

-Evad